9 Signs your partner needs to help you stay focused

Mindfulness could be described as a state. But, it can also be considered an ability. This is important to promote good health and well-being. You might have learned mindfulness techniques to maximize these benefits. You are now able to focus your awareness on what’s happening, can label your emotions, and are able to handle stressful circumstances without becoming anxious.

However, your mindfulness is great. But how does your partner fare? Do you notice that your partner is distracted from you while you’re talking? Or that they can’t seem to focus on the task at hand and lose sight of their thoughts? How does this affect your feelings? It can be hurtful for a partner to not be “present” while you are having an important discussion or trying to enjoy a happy moment as a couple.

Is Mindfulness a Notable Quality?

Being mindful is when you are fully engaged in your interactions. It can lead to a decrease in the quality and enjoyment of these interactions. So how can you measure the focus of your partner?

A new study led by Larissa Barrden from the University of Tasmania and colleagues (2021) has found that the answer is yes. According to the Australian authors mindfulness is a valuable tool in “cultivating both a will and skill set to navigate social situations or relationships” and can thus be seen “as an evident quality that is instrumental for supporting prosocial behaviors” (p.

Barden et.al. point out that there are many reasons. Barden et. al. argue that mindfulness is good for relationships. It promotes “sacrifice forgiveness and partner acceptance” (p. Although you might be able to adopt this mindset, if your partner doesn’t agree, this could lead to a disconnect in your ability and desire to feel closer to them.

It is not possible to determine the level of mindfulness in another person. According to the U. Tasmania research staff, mindfulness instruments can be derived from a self assessment of your inner state. These self-report mindfulness scores do show a link to other people’s observable behavior, which can be used to indicate that mindfulness is present. However they only provide indirect evidence that someone brings mindfulness into their relationships.

The problem with self reports of mindfulness is that they can be subject to the bias, which causes people to desire to be positively perceived by others. You also have to consider whether or not people are able to give accurate self-reports.

Researchers were alerted to similar problems in self reporting within the personality measurement domain. They developed so-called “other ratings” of traits that could then be compared with “self.”

Bartlett’s team assumed mindfulness can be detected in others. Furthermore, not everyone is able to accurately describe their own abilities in this aspect. Therefore, they converted existing self-reporting measures to one that could also be used in rating other people. Their measure had to be able to relate in predictable ways to other characteristics of the “nomological web” (i.e. similar features) of mindfulness.

The 9-Item Observed Mental Measure (OMM),

Bartlett, along with her colleagues, worked through the steps necessary to ensure that their new measure met statistical acceptance. The authors developed a tentative list using the self-ratings of their first sample from the community. Next, they compared the scores to people who knew the participants and used the statistical analysis to find the most popular items from the original pool. Participants from the third sample, which also included self-other diads, completed the final OMM version to confirm the results from the first sample.

The OMM’s basic assumption that it taps “the inner experiences of the subject being observable,” or inner state of the subject, is crucial to understanding. It is impossible to see inside someone’s mind to judge how well they react to a situation. However, you can evaluate their behavior and make your own judgments. You don’t necessarily know what your partner is thinking, but you can see from their behavior that it’s trying their best to be aware.

An initial 30 item list was created by the Australian authors. Then, they narrowed the pool to the nine items that met acceptable standards. You can rate your partner (or any other person) on a 1-to-5 scale.

1. The person finds it difficult to focus on what is happening around them.
2. The person seems to run on automatic without any awareness of what he/she’s doing (reversed-coded).
3. This is reverse-coded.
4. The person appears to be aware that emotions have an effect on his or her thoughts and behaviours.
5. Asking someone how they are feeling, they will quickly identify their emotions.
6. The person appears to be conscious of their emotions when interfacing with others.
7. The person appears to be able recover from any stressful or unpleasant experience.
8. It is possible to take a step back before reacting in difficult situations.
9. The person maintains calm even during stressful times.

These items can be enough to give you new insight.

These items could also be divided into the three factors statistically grouped into: attentiveness (items 1-3), awareness (items 4-6) and acceptance (items 9-12). The average scores of these scales were not provided by the authors. However, it’s possible to get an idea of how tuned your partner is in relation to the three main components of mindfulness using a rough guide.

Use your Partner’s Ratings as a Helper

If you are able to pinpoint your partner’s mindfulness, this can be a great way to help them become more focused. Even though it’s not possible to train your partner in mindfulness-based practices, you can make your own customized approach.

Once you have identified the areas or parts of your partner that are not being mindful, it is important to find non-judgmental solutions. Mindfulness training is about allowing people to accept their emotions instead of running from them. Talking about mindfulness and your mental health and then watching how your partner reacts to it will keep you from getting defensive.

It’s important to identify which areas are not covered by the OMM. Some of these might surprise people, like “the person is good in finding words to express his or herself” and “the individual does other things when listening to someone.” While these are subtle wording differences, they still decide whether an item will be included in the OMM.

You could also consider the OMM in terms of your ability to turn the ratings around on yourself. You can have your partner rate each of the nine items. As you seek to improve your ability and feelings to understand yourself and your partner, it can be valuable to find out where you are at odds.

The newest way to see mindfulness has important implications on your well-being, and that of your partner. It is possible to notice mindfulness in your partner. By using this information, you can help your partner focus on a more satisfying inner world.