Transform the pain of your bad habits into opportunities

There are many online motivational and inspirational quotes and catchphrases. It can be very helpful to have a quick boost of positivity when it comes to breaking bad patterns of suffering-reaction.

In November, I turned fifty. There were moments of joy, sharing with family members and friends, as well as moments of pain. My habit of focusing on my expectations for my now-squarely middlelife status and repeating them was what caused the suffering. In my professional work over many years, I have learned that even aspirational jolts to positivity are not sufficient.

Bad habits such as these must be feltfor the cost and what they take. Only when I can hold on to my hat and see clearly what my unskillful habits do to me and others–the compounded interest they cause–will it be possible to make the change.

Only after I feel the pain from my unskillful habit of thinking-fixation without flinching, can I honestly assess the poor return on continuing this habit. With courage and clarity, I can see that, while these habits can give me moments of relief, certainty, control, or control, they ultimately deprive me of being present and enjoying the things I do have. The cost of such habits also includes the missing of opportunities–nuances of meaning, solution, and creation that tend to nestle into these here-and-now moments.

Let me ask you this question: Do you want to suffer? If yes, then do the following:

• Believing unrealistic stories about expectation
• Blaming others or oneself
• Are you wondering “Why me?” or “Why this?”
• Be Worried
• Doubting your own abilities
• Avoiding
• Self-medicating discomfort
• Catastrophizing
• Escalating
• Holding on to that grudge
• Resentment is a sign of weakness
• Shame on yourself or others
• Saying one thing and feeling/meaning/wanting another
• Dominating/controlling others
• Lecturing/having the right
• Withdrawing

It’s only a small list of ways you–I–can act as a “habit-defense” to avoid discomfort, and then cause a lot more suffering down the road.

Organic Gardeners: A Lesson

Organic gardeners know something. Organic gardeners know how important it is to align their efforts with the natural changes and growth of things. They don’t force the growth of beautiful fruits, vegetables, or flowers. Organic gardeners who are the most successful know that patience and persistence are key to achieving the best results. Natural principles include using nature as the best fertilizer for what you desire to grow.

Nature’s fertilizer is organic garbage, sometimes even trash! The best nutrients are found in compost, which is what seeds need to grow and spark to life.

It is possible to do the same for the bad habits that you want to get rid of and the ones you want. You start by identifying your worst, most unskillful habits and then pause to think deeply about how they are affecting your life.

In his book Unwinding anxiety, Dr. Jud Brewer summarizes research about how the brain keeps bad habits. The human brain is wired for habit-setting. If you can get out of pain or emotional discomfort quickly, habits are more likely to become cable-length in the brain.

You (and most people) can launch too fast to achieve great results based on positive thoughts and willpower when you are trying to change bad habits. Research by Brewer and others has shown that rainbow thoughts and unicorn-horned willpower do not work. New habit-changing efforts fail, and your motivation fades. You re-enlist in your same positivity-willpower routine on another New Year’s Eve.

Mindful Attention

You should consider organic gardening as a way to get rid of your bad habits. It’s much easier to be consistent with the research (and to follow the principles of organic garden) if you bring mindfulness to any feelings, sensations and emotions that arise during your bad habits. The results these “loops”, or habits, can be used to help your brain break the habit loop.

Without falling into the shame-blaming game, it is possible to feel the consequences of your bad habits and allow your brain to get out of the habit autopilot trance. This will help you assess how rewarding these habits are. Only awareness can lead to change. It won’t work if you think, want, or believe (or those habit loops!)

Try sitting down, journaling, or reflecting on your current less-than-ideal habits today. Take a deep breath, let it out, and then ask yourself: What is this habit giving you?